4/29/18 - On Nostalgia and Bad Nights

So I didn't write anything yesterday.  But in my defense, it's because I was just in a really bad place emotionally and didn't have anything to talk about.  Not that it's a good excuse, since this is literally just me talking to myself, but whatever.

I've actually been having a lot of bad nights lately.  Just being lonely and in a depressive funk.  It's normal, it'll pass, still shitty.  Today though has been a day of "I'm 5 again" nostalgia moments to try and just be peaceful.  I did some yardwork earlier because it needed done, and then I threw on some pajama pants, had a PB&J, and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Then I played Little Nemo on NES.  Then Shadowgate, but not on NES, because dammit I have a newer version with more content.  And now I'm playing Phantasy Star IV, which is in my top 5 favorite games of all time, and you know what?  The nostalgia is real.  And it's good.

These are moments that I loved sharing with the stepson (and still do, to an extent, tho from long distance).  These are moments I want to share with another child someday.  There's something great about watching a child enjoy the things that I was enamored with, seeing that same amazement, excitement, and wonder reflected in them.  Brings out the kid in you, and just makes everything a little bit brighter.

It's one of the few things that makes me really want kids.  Which in turn puts me back in a sour mood, because I'm getting older and don't have a person in my life with whom I would have kids.  I mean yeah, I have a friend that I'm a bit in love with, but that's never going to be a thing that happens, and meeting people is just exhausting.  So I guess I'll just settle for the occasional nostalgia night to myself, and talking to a 7 year old as he tries to play through Mega Man.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

4/26/18 - On quiet reflection

I've been listening to the same piano song for over a half hour while I just... think.  Well, not really think, I suppose.  I realize that I do this a lot - Say something, and then counter with "Well, not really x".  I do it a lot more in text than I do out loud, because I generally catch myself. Anyway - It's the piano version of Aeris' Theme from Final Fantasy VII, which I wasn't a fan of when I first played the game (20. Years. Ago.) but it just... relaxes me, now. It helps me to clear my head.  Which is why I said thinking, but not really thinking - More just clearing out my head, because the past few days have been chaotic in my headspace and my heartspace, and I just needed to hit pause.  I actually took tomorrow off, not to see Avengers (which is what the assumption was, and is totally valid), but just to take some time by myself and clear out the cobwebs.  Knock the rust off. So I did commissioned artwork this week.  I never really do that,...
Read more

4/19/18 - First Post? The one about relationships and love and a cold, dead heart?

I've decided to start trying to write something daily.  Realistically, we're talking more like 4-5 days a week, tops.  Why? I don't know, it's just cathartic I suppose.  There's no set topic at this point - Today I'm writing about my dating life (or lack thereof) because I had a conversation about it and now it's in my head.  But I could just as easily write about a book, movie, or game I've been enjoying.  Maybe a short story or two.  Who knows? So anyway, dating and relationships. The weird thing is, I thought a lot of people who said dating is different after divorce (or the end of any long relationship) were just having issues moving on - And to an extent, I still think that's true.  Though in my experience even after moving on, it really is a different experience.  It changes the approach in my experience, in both good and bad ways. So I would say, as a kind estimate to myself, that I was ready to pursue relationships roughly 6 months a...
Read more

4/27/18 - On Personal Tastes in Video Games

So I really like the new God of War - Primarily because it is so different from the old God of War titles. See, here's the thing - My personal taste in video games can be summed up as "I like to be challenged" or "I like to be intrigued".  If a game has a good story, it's less a game and more of an interactive movie, which I like.  If a game has a challenge, it motivates me to overcome that challenge, because dammit I am going to get that damn boss.  Games that combine the two are generally the ones I count as favorites, and I suppose that's why a lot of older games tend to be the ones I remember fondly - they were challenging because they HAD to be.  They were difficult by design, but not because the designers set out to make things unreasonably difficult - because they needed to keep you coming back, either sinking in quarters or spending time with their game at home instead of giving money to competitors. I don't generally like to sum it up th...
Read more